New Roles and Rules

When family membership changes the members must restructure their family system on their own. They have to

  • decide the roles and the rules themselves
  • set the new boundaries without others telling them what or how to do it.

Family membership changes when members move out or new members enter.

To restructure the family system, the members have to look at:

  • Who are the members of the family now?
  • What are their roles?
  • How can the members best work together for the sake of the entire family unit?
  • What tasks have to be re-assigned?
  • Who will have to take on more tasks than before?
  • What involvement will members have with those who left the home?
  • What involvement will members have with the extended family of those who left the home?

Think about who is in the home and who moved out.

  • What roles do the persons no longer in the home have with those who remained in the home?
  • What roles do the grown-ups have?
  • What are the roles for the children?
  • What new rules have be set to make the family life work more smoothly?
  • How have these roles changed?

How are the children involved with persons who moved out of the home?

  • How often do they visit?
  • Where do they visit?
  • What do they do on visits?
  • What rules match the rules at home?
  • What rules conflict with the rules at home?

The family itself must do the personal work to adjust to changes brought on by the divorce.


For each item discussed here, parents and childrencan adjust to the changes. They can get through the pain of the divorce and move on with their lives. Their work requires them to

  • ask the important questions that identify problems

  • constantly look for solutions

  • identify self-defeating reactions and dissolve these

  • build on solutions in one area to benefit other areas

  • create resolution dramas

Love Energy and Light are the prevailing energies.

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