Something to be Proud of: Your Family
1) Families are dysfunctional.
2) Families are disenfranchised.
This is bull! Labels like these perpetuate global
defeat promoted lowered self-esteem in parents promote low self-worth in parents
Then, parents pass these devalues down to their
Why is labeling such a problem? Tell me PLEASE!!!! What does it give to you to work with?
What can you do with dysfunction? How can you overcome disenfranchised? How can you become
functional? What is functional anyway? How can you become enfranchised?
We have to fix this mess. We have to stop buying
CHANGE YOUR MIND!!!!
My family is not dysfunctional! My family is not
I was wrong to call my family dysfunctional. My
family is a wonderful loving group of people. We know each other and we love each other.
We communicate easily with each other. We share a wonderful life together.
Think about these twelve major things for your
1) My family has a major purpose. My family has
something very important to accomplish that cannot be accomplished by any other group of
people (and pets, also). I can look around and see our central theme.
2) My family has resources, both tangible and
intangible. What I have available as a family makes it possible for us to do what we have
to do. That makes it possible for my family to carry out its purpose.
3) My family is a network. People and institutions
are included in my network. These are the people to whom my family is connected to help me
accomplish my purpose.
4) My family has a structure and a leadership style.
I have bonds and unique leadership styles. Some families are really close and all over
each other while others have spaces in your togetherness. Either bond is okay. Some
families rigid, others flexible and others are chaotic. Our style that fits us.
5) My family recreates in ways we prefer. What do we
do for fun? As individual members? As a family unit?
6) Each member in my family has specific
responsibilities. Whatever responsibility each person handles is that person's
contribution to meeting the needs of my family.
7) Each family has its own interactional style. In
other words, my family interacts to the environment in a particular manner that is unique.
In addition, members of my family interact to each other in ways unique to themselves and
often in ways that each member understands. People outside my family unit may not know
what our interactions mean, but each of us knows. So, how do the members of my family get
along with each other? The range is from apathy to reactive (bouncing off each other) to
helpful and caring and productive.
8) Every family is somewhere on the family life
cycle developmental scale. I may be part of a family joining. I may be in family with
young children, a family with adolescents or a family launching young adults. I may be
part of a sandwich-family, with children and elderly parents. I may be in a family in
9) Family education is an ongoing process. Every
family is focused on something and is attempting or struggling to learn something together
- whether it is "how to survive" or "how to run a family business" or
"how to juggle work and family".... the list could go on. My family uses a
variety of methods for learning, anything from "recall" of how it was done in
"my" family of origin to very formal coursework.
10)Each family has its own management system. Within
the family management system, the leaders of the family determine how decisions are made
and how they are carried out. Our management may be the authoritarian or the role model or
the egalitarian to list just a few.
11)My family involves itself within the larger
community in many different ways. How do we handle this? Do we just follow the going
trends or are we trend-setters? What kinds of involvement do we have? Is it minimal or are
we actively involved and making sure our opinions are heard and perhaps even, acted upon
in some way?
12)Our family evaluates itself each time we go
through stressor events. Whether we are consciously aware of this or not, it happens.
Something happens. We deal with it or don't deal with it and we judge ourselves as a
family based on how we handled the situation. Some events are minor, others are major.
Some stressor events are developmental - occurring over the course of time, others are
sudden and unexpected. How do we view ourselves as a family in relation to the stressor
When I look at my family with the 12 components of
the family experience listed above, I can bring it up to the group to talk about it
together. As a unit we can decide what our strengths are and what we need to change. We
can see if we want to pay more attention to some things.
That we may have neglected one or more areas and
things are a mess or things are not quite what we want them to be does not make us
"dysfunctional". It merely means we have some work to do with our family to get
it moving in the direction we want.
We may be off center from our family purpose. We can
get to where we want to be. We may not have even known we had a purpose. One thing I can
count on: if I ask the question "What is our purpose as a family?" Something
will emerge as outstanding that all the members of my family gravitate to. It is the glue
that holds us together as a unit.
Well, this is surely enough about "the family
you can be proud" of for now. If there is something in this information that you
would like further elaboration or clarification on, e-mail Indoma.
Have a wonderful family!