When professionals and others are too closely involved in the
- keeps family members from learning what they need to learn.
- causes the divorce process to get stuck and
- keeps family members from accomplishing the tasks that enable them to
support and care for each other.
When is intervention too much?
Intervention, if absolutely necessary, can be used to
- point out problems that family members overlooked.
- ask questions so family members can see those issues.
- point out "normal" themes.
- point out "damaging" themes.
Any more than this interferes with their progress.
If professionals or others insist on being intimately involved in the
divorce process, they become part of the family system. This is
called a divorce impasse system.
- Family members rely on the professionals or others instead of
themselves to make the important decisions.
- Family members and professionals align against other members of the
family system to create loyalty binds.
- All members of the divorce impasse system are affected by the loyalty
struggles and may become polarized.
For each problem discussed here, remedies exist to
help parents and children adjust to the changes. The thing is
to get through the pain of the divorce and move on with their lives.
Our workbooks for Moms and for Dads
ask the important questions that point to problems
leave it up to parents to decide what to do
point out self-defeating reactions
give ways to spot problems and solutions
give ways to get past the pain
show ways to create resolution dramas
As with our workbooks for children and for teenagers,
Love Energy and Light are the prevailing resources we apply.