Beyond Abuse

Unless abuse is involved...

  • There is no good reason to keep a child away from either parent.
  • The child needs to spend significant and quality time with each parent.

Even when abuse has occurred, the child loves that parent.

  • The bond between the child and the parent who abused exists.
  • Some children accept the abuse as acts of love. In such instances, negative attention is "better" than no attention.
  • Often, parents who abuse use "love" words in connection with the abusing acts.
  • Young children especially hold their parents in high esteem and accept what they tell them. So when a parent who abuses uses the "love" word in connection with abuse, the child believes that love and abuse are linked.

To assure that the child is safe during contacts with the parent who abused, the following need to work together:

  • parents
  • courts
  • professionals

Both parents have a role to make sure the child is safe. These are things they can do.

  • create a vibrational match that assures the child's safety.
  • spot cues that trigger abuse and
  • dissolve those cues as soon as they appear.
  • teach the child how to spot cues that trigger abuse and
  • teach the child how to dissolve these cue

Courts generally outline boundaries for families in which abuse has occurred.

Parents and children can do the following:

  • honor the court defined boundaries
  • dissolve abuse triggering cues and therefore dissolve incidents of abuse
  • report as the court requires

Professionals at the directions of the courts often monitor compliance with court orders.

Parents and children can do the following:

  • work cooperatively with the professionals.
  • talk openly about progress and problems in following court orders.

Ordinarily, family life is sacred.

  • Rarely do the courts or professionals get involved in their lives or decisions.
  • However, when either parent violates a child in such a way as to threaten his or her well-being, the legal community by law must get involved.
  • The primary way to return to family autonomy is to comply with the requirements set by outside agencies.

For each matter discussed here, remedies exist to help parents and childrenmanage the situations.

  • The pain of the divorce is complicated by any abuse because persons from outside the family have to join the family to deal with the abuse issues.

  • These issues take priority because the child's safety must be assured.

  • To move on with their lives is delayed because of this complexity.

Regardless, Moms and Dads will make the best possible progress when they

  • ask the important questions that point to problems

  • make use of the professional guidance

  • decide what to do within the guidelines

  • quickly point out self-defeating reactions

  • focus on ways to spot and apply solutions

  • work together to get past the pain of the divorce

  • create resolution dramas

Constantly focus Love Energy and Light.

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